Fill in the Blanks
by Francesca Monterone
Summary: "We prefer permanence. The reward of relationships that endure and grow deeper with the passing of time." - Kathryn Janeway, Prime Factors
1. Brace for Impact

**Title:** Fill in the blanks  
**Fandom:** Star Trek Voyager  
**Genre:** Romance/Friendship  
**Pairing:** Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway  
**Rating: **T  
**Summary:**

If you ask me, there are gaps between the episodes of the show where its makers might have just as well put a sign saying "please insert love story here". So I decided to accept the challenge and fill in the blanks...

There are many things to be found in the Delta Quadrant, but neither of them expected these discoveries to be quite so personal. A story about love and loss, hope and pain, and about how finding your soulmate may change everything... or nothing at all. Not strictly canon, but - as Tom Paris would say - in visual range of it.

* * *

_"We prefer permanence. The reward of relationships that endure and grow deeper with the passing of time." - Kathryn Janeway, Prime Factors_

* * *

There was nothing simple about their relationship, and there never had been, but at its beginning stood a simple fact: She knew him long before they met.

Starfleet Tactical had supplied Tuvok and her with detailed intelligence reports about the _Val Jean_ and its crew before his undercover assignment. She remembered long hours spent poring over those reports, discussing their angles and implications with her chief of security.

"If you are to become one of them and be convincing at it, you have to understand their motivations," she had told him.

"That might pose quite a challenge," Tuvok had said, still scanning the brief CV Tactical had complied on B'Elanna Torres. "Most of their motivations seem devoid of logic or even common sense."

"You are thinking like a Vulcan again," Kathryn had told him. "Humans and many other humanoid species are led by their emotions. It's all there - fear, hope, a desire for revenge, greed, anger - our most primal instincts are embodied in those people. Take him," she nodded at a picture of Chakotay, Maquis commander and former Starfleet officer, "he's burning with rightful anger, with a desire for vengeance and the more bloody kind of justice. He's also convinced that he is doing the right thing, protecting his people and their culture. Here's a potential martyr for the cause. But I don't think we should underestimate him."

"He is a potential martyr with Starfleet command training," Tuvok said

"Precisely."

And now that same square face was staring back at her from the main viewscreen. He frowned when she called him by his name, unaware of the fact that she had been reading up on him and his crew for weeks. She recognized Tuvok in the background and had to fight down a sigh of relief.

Considering what she knew about Chakotay and the Maquis, he proved to be surprisingly reasonable. They were armed when they came aboard, but she did not blame him for being cautious, not after she had just told him that her mission was to literally come and get him.

His stance became a lot less friendly, though, when she greeted Tuvok as the old friend he was. There was something fierce in those angular features and dark eyes, a smoldering fire that wasn't too far beneath the surface. He kept strangely calm, but his anger was an almost tangible force that vibrated in the small space between them. And not just anger. Disappointment, too, sharp and bitter.

His reaction to Tom Paris was more straightforward, maybe because this second betrayal hurt more. Chakotay understood loyalty, she knew that much from his file. In his eyes, Tuvok could be excused as having performed a duty he was honor-bound to do. Tom Paris had no such excuse, and Chakotay advanced upon him like an angry bull.

Until _she_ stepped into his way.

* * *

Suddenly, _she_ was right in front of him. Not small for a woman, but slender. He could have pushed her out of his way easily, but there was something in her gaze that stopped him. A commanding presence, a determination that was a force to be reckoned with. She looked up at him, her eyes stern and unafraid.

Chakotay took a step back, which was something that did not happen very often. He watched her evaluate the situation, decide and formulate a course of action in the span of a few moments and could not help but be impressed. She definitely knew what she was doing.

This assessment of her character was affirmed when he told her about his broken leg on the stairways and she immediately grasped the meaning of those words, instantly turning away from him and focusing on getting Tuvok out safely. Here was a woman who didn't waste time, energy or other essential resources on sentimental feelings. Command material indeed. It was tragic twist of fate that he was coming to admire the very person who was going to leave him behind to face an uncertain and quite possibly deadly short future.

Paris' goddamn stubbornness won him a second chance to admire Captain Janeway's methods. Unwittingly, he called her _captain_ when she asked him whether or not he could hold off the enemy vessels. Maybe it was a remnant from his Starfleet days, this instinctive response to a strong commander. It wasn't exactly that he rolled onto his back in submission, but he acknowledged her as a superior.

Chakotay wondered what was happening here and decided that he didn't particularly like it. Which did not stop him from transporting his people onto her ship and placing all of their fates in her hands. It was the only logical choice, he told himself, their best shot at survival in this hostile environment.

Holding B'Elanna back when she rebelled against Captain Janeway's decision to destroy the array was merely a consequence of that choice.

"She's the captain."

_I just hope she really knows what she is doing._ He had learned to trust his instincts, but this was a big leap of faith.

He watched her; stoic, stern and unafraid, as she issued the command to fire. Watched their one hope of getting back where they had come from burst into flames.

_This is crazy. _A recurring thought. It resurfaced when she invited him to become her first officer.

"Are you sure?" he asked, admiring her chutzpa. "Tuvok seems the logical choice."

"Chakotay, let me be frank with you," she said, her face as open as her words, "I have lost far too many people today. I need your crew to become a part of this mission, or we will never make it home. And they would never follow Tuvok. In their eyes, he's a traitor. I need you."

The words in their finality and inescapable truth sent shivers down his spine. This was fate at work.

"I accept." He had never had that choice, and they both knew it.

"We're alone," she told them a few hours later on the bridge, where he stood stiffly upright in his strangely familiar Starfleet uniform. But he did not feel alone. His life line had just become intertwined with Kathryn Janeway's and he had a feeling that this was going to be his longest journey yet.

* * *

Episode: Caretaker


	2. One Lousy Day

_I was in such a hurry to post the beginning of this story that I forgot the obligatory disclaimer. So, in case you hadn't guessed already, I do not own Voyager or any of the Star Trek franchise. I write fanfiction for my own amusement, not for profit, so there you go..._

_I'd also like to thank those of you who already reviewed the story. Thank you so much! That's more of a response than I expected and I'm glad you enjoyed the first chapter._

* * *

"You're serious." It was neither a question nor an assumption. He did, however, get the distinct impression that she was having some second thoughts about her decision to make him first officer.

"Very."

Whether it was his sense of duty or just plain stubbornness that empowered him to force the issue he could not say.

What he could say, however, was that it had not been a very bright idea to ignore both the captain and Kerry in order to share ideas with B'Elanna via intercom - and while one of them was standing next to him and the other next to her. The look on Kathryn Janeway's face spoke volumes. If she had been unhappy with him before, she was downright angry with him right now.

He realized that what he had regarded as a simple try to find a solution to their problem was something entirely else to her: power play. And she had to retaliate quickly, otherwise she would have lost ground. With the Maquis crew already up in arms and ready to attempt a mutiny - a fact Chakotay was sure hadn't escaped her - she could not afford any dints in her armor.

It was done expertly. She rebuked him there an then, on the bridge, with everyone either watching or listening, but without so much as mentioning his name.

"Mr. Kerry," she asked the engineer, while at the same time sending Chakotay a look that made him cringe, "what do _you_ think?"

"With the right field modulation, it might work. But we'll need more power to the emitter array."

No one on the bridge was listening to Kerry, even though the captain was doing a nice impression of rapt attention. Everyone was staring at Chakotay instead. He resigned himself to just having lost a substantial bit of influence.

"Very well, you're in charge Mr. Kerry." Another sideways glance his way.

_Janeway 1 - Chakotay 0. If this goes on much longer, I will be her lapdog..._

"Report to me when the tractor beam is ready." She did not put any emphasis on the word _'me' _and she didn't have to. She had made her point.

Normally, the words "I'd like to see you in private" from the lips of a beautiful woman would have made his day, but it was plain for anyone to see that she was _not happy _and more likely offering him an intimate acquaintance with the brig than with herself. Sighing inwardly, he followed her into her ready room.

Tempers flared during their first fight, and to their mutual surprise they discovered that they were an equal match in that respect. It did not make the discussion any easier.

"We have a problem," she told him, while stepping through the door of the ready room.

He sighed. He had been foolish to think that she would let him get away with being publicly humiliated. She was going to finish what she had begun on the bridge, driving the message home. Making sure that he stayed in his place for the rest of this trip, no matter if it would take them seven years, seventeen or seventy.

"And I think it's time to discuss it."

"Captain, I appreciate your concerns about Torres, but I promise you..."

She wouldn't let him finish his sentence. "You don't understand, Commander. This isn't about Torres. My problem is with you."

_No kidding._

"Me?" He raised an eyebrow at her. _Who, me? Really? Aw, come on..._ it was very difficult to keep the sarcasm to himself.

"Let me be blunt. What you tried to do just now" - she raised a finger, looking for all the world like a stern teacher (it was the bun, it had to be the bun) - "was out of line."

"In what way?" It was an honest question. He understood her reasons, in part, but her reaction seemed somewhat disproportionate. Did she perceive him as that much of a threat? It probably should have made him feel better, but it didn't.

"When you decided to call Torres in engineering."

"I worked with her, I know what she's capable of. We needed an answer right away and I knew she could give us one," he justified his actions, growing more and more agitated as he spoke.

"_Kerry_ is the senior officer in engineering."

"If you look at it that way, none of my people will _ever _have seniority." It sounded a bit petulant, even to his own ears.

"That's the problem." She said, stepping down from her pedestal and walking towards him. "Right there. They are not your people. You're treating the Maquis on this ship like they're still your crew."

He looked away at that. She was right, and he hated to admit it.

_But they are my crew! And mine to protect..._

"I'm doing everything I can to integrate them into your crew, but frankly, you're not making it easy for me, Captain!"

"I can't make it easy, Commander." She lowered her voice, using a tone that was supposed to appeal to his good judgment and yet only served to annoy him further. "Surely you can understand that. They don't have the discipline. They don't have the training."

"But some of them - like B'Elanna Torres - have the ability!" He argued. Never let it be said that he would not defend his people when someone questioned their abilities and commitment.

She turned away. "The Starfleet officers on this ship have worked all their lives to earn their commissions." She drew a deep breath. "How am I supposed to ask them to accept a Maquis as their superior officer, just because circumstances have forced us together?"

_So this is what you think of us, huh? _"You're asking them to accept me." He took a step towards her.

"You're qualified. You're a graduate of the Academy and you have Starfleet command experience."

_Yes. And I also turned my back on Starfleet in order to become one of the leaders of a radical faction. And with good reason! This self-righteousness, this obsessive love of rules and titles and protocols , losing sight of what's really important, is exactly the reason I left!_

But it was no use voicing that thought. She would not, could not understand.

"Permission to speak freely," he said instead. It was, as one of his instructors had once put it, the nicer version of _'shut up so I can duly insult you'. _

"Go ahead." He could see her steeling herself for an upcoming verbal onslaught.

"I have no intention of being your token Maquis officer." _Lapdog_. He had almost said it.

"Show me another qualified Maquis candidate and I'll consider him."

_Yeah, right. _"B'Elanna Torres."

"Who cannot control herself and who could not make it through the Academy."

"She's the best engineer I've ever known. She could teach at the Academy!" He started walking towards the door, and just when he had reached it, turned to face her again. "You're right Captain. I do consider these _my_ people, because nobody else on this ship will look out for them like I will. And I'm telling you, you're gonna have to give them more authority if you want their loyalty."

"Theirs," she asked pointedly, "or yours, Commander?"

_Both_, he thought. "I'm trying to help you. I'm sorry you don't see that." _B'Elanna_, he reminded himself, _this is for B'Elanna._ "I strongly recommend that you get to know Torres before you choose a new chief engineer. Permission to leave." _Go to hell, you stubborn fool._

"Dismissed." Of course. She could not grant him what he had asked for, she had to keep the upper hand and dismiss him herself.

He left the room as angry at her as at himself. He had let the situation escalate, and damn his pride if his people would suffer for it in the long run. Captain Janeway was proud, too.

_I've always been able to handle difficult characters well, to charm people and get them to play along with my script. Why not her? Why is she so infuriatingly resistant to both my arguments and my social skills?_

Since he had already put his foot in the door, though, the only reasonable course seemed to be to fight this out. Especially since he felt that this was a crossroads - from here, he could either go on to become Kathryn Janeway's personal doormat, or to win her respect as a an equal. Needless to say he preferred the latter despite his growing admiration for her and his embarrassing urge to conform to the rules that had been drilled into him during his Academy years.

She remained angry at him only for a few hours, but it did make him uncomfortable, and not just because of the possible implications this might have for their working relationship. Being at odds with her gave him an almost physical sensation of unease. He ascribed it to the general anxiety surrounding being stuck on a single ship in the vast expanse of the Delta Quadrant, far, far from home. He was out of his depth here; they all were. Interpersonal conflicts were the last thing they needed out here.

And yet when she smiled at him in the briefing room after B'Elanna had presented her suggestion, it was like the sun coming up after a long, rainy day. He knew that he had won this fight, then, but suddenly, it did not seem as important anymore as before. Not for the sake of protecting his pride, at least.

When he found her in engineering, watching B'Elanna's first steps as chief engineer, he felt grateful and glad.

_We're moving in the right direction_, he thought. _We'll be able to work well as a team after all._

"Our crew," she said, confirming that she had been thinking the same thing.

* * *

"Can I ask you a question?" He asked as they slowly made their way back from engineering towards the bridge. "Off the record?"

She waited, curious for the conclusion of this statement, a faint smile on her lips. She was pleased with herself and her stubborn, but reliable first officer.

"If things had happened differently and we were on the Maquis ship now instead of _Voyager_, would you have served under me?"

He let her pass as they reached the stairs, quite the gentleman.

This question however , even though spoken in a perfectly calm and dry tone of voice, was pretty cheeky for someone who had just narrowly escaped an untimely demotion for insubordination. It also left her with the sudden urge to grin broadly at him, but she fought to keep her face stoic.

_Sly bastard. 'Served under me', my ass. In your dreams, Chakotay, in your dreams._

"One of the nice things about being captain is that you can keep some things to yourself." She smiled at him.

He returned the smile quite warmly.

_There you go. Seems like we'll get along after all._

* * *

Episode: Parallax


	3. Join me for Breakfast

"Are you sure you won't join me for breakfast?" She asked as they strolled along the corridor, about half an hour before the beginning of their shift. Over the past few days, she had made an effort to socialize with all her officers and now was his turn. It seemed only logical to get to know these people better. After all, she might be spending a long time with them.

If all went wrong, the rest of their lives...

_No. We'll get home eventually. But it might be a while._

"I was thinking of having eggs benedict with asparagus, strawberries and cream...", she prattled on, trying to lighten the mood.

He stroked his chin as if seriously tempted by her offer, but she caught the amused glint in his eyes.

"I said I was thinking about it."

He grinned, dimples on full force. He was not a handsome man in the classical sense, but she was willing to bet that that grin had caused many a woman's heart to flutter. And, charming rogue that he was, he had probably taken advantage of that.

"I'm actually having ration pack number five. Stewed tomatoes with dehydrated eggs."

"Sounds delicious." Hands at his hips. The grin seeped away and was replaced by a more serious expression. She wondered what passed behind those dark eyes. "But I've already had my bagged and packed oatmeal this morning."

That did cause her to smile. "I'll see you on the bridge."

Smiling and nodding, he turned around and walked away.

_Well_, she thought. _That didn't exactly go as planned. For somebody so easy-going and open, you are a surprisingly tough nut to crack, Chakotay. But just you wait. I managed to get past Tuvok's defenses, so yours shouldn't pose that much of a challenge._

* * *

"So," B'Elanna asked him after their encounter with the organ-stealing Vidiians, "how do you like Neelix' idea of having a galley aboard this ship?"

"Well, his cooking is bound to be better than replicator rations, right? And I think we could all use some company at meals. The captain already asked me to have breakfast with her."

"She's been doing this all week," B'Elanna reported. "I think she's trying to get to know us better. Smart move, if you ask me."

"And here I was thinking that I was somehow special," Chakotay replied with a mock sigh.

B'Elanna snorted. "You're probably special in the way that she trusts you even less than the rest of us."

"Hey. I think we make a good team."

"Whatever. You are Maquis, she's Starfleet. Don't fool yourself, Chakotay, she's never going to forget that."

He knew that she was right, but to his own surprise felt some regret at the thought. There was a strange connection between him and the captain, something he had never thought possible. He realized that he wanted to be able to trust her... and her to be able to trust him.

_I'll have your back if you have mine, Kathryn Janeway. Out here, our lives could depend upon it._

* * *

Episode: Phage


	4. Larger than Life

_Following Singing Violin's suggestion I went back to chapter two and elaborated on the argument between Janeway and Chakotay. I'm happy to say that like the chapter much better now. This is why reviews are so important. All writers are notorious narcissists, and of course we love our work, so how would we ever improve if you didn't tell us what could be changed to make the story better? Also, I added the episode in question at the bottom of each chapter._

_If you have any further suggestions, now or in the future, I'll be happy to hear them._

* * *

"There's coffee in that nebula."

He looked at her sideways, frowning slightly. _Coffee? _His brain failed to make the connection.

Over the course of the last few weeks, he had gotten better at reading her, but she still remained an intriguing mystery. Not that he minded that, for the most part, life out here was dull enough.

She seemed to be thinking along the same lines: "Exploring this nebula should raise some spirits around here, don't you think; Commander?"

Her deep concern for the crew touched him, and so did the suggestion that he was closer to them than she was.

_She's very observant,_ he thought. _And she's beginning to trust me. _He felt prouder at that than he should have.

Deciding to return the favor, he told her about his people's custom of talking to their animal guides. She seemed intrigued. She leaned in closer, talking in a low voice, obviously excited about the idea. Chakotay was somewhat surprised. He had not pegged Kathryn Janeway for a spiritual person.

"If you're interested, I can teach you how to contact your own animal guide," he said impulsively.

She smiled radiantly. "You've got a date."

_Huh...? What was that?_

Very briefly, he found himself imagining a date with the captain. It was a ridiculous idea. It would have been incredibly awkward, and he felt fairly certain that they had virtually no shared interests. So what would they talk about? The ship?

He shook his head. _No way. A team, yes. Partners yes. Friends maybe. But other than that... no._

* * *

A gecko.

She was somewhat disappointed at first. Even though Chakotay had told her that there was no connection between a person's character traits and the form of his or her animal guide, she had expected something a little more impressive than a small reptile.

_But then, I probably should be grateful to be offered this opportunity at all, shouldn't I? _

She had never been a religious or spiritual person and frankly, she hadn't really believed that this would work.

And yet it had.

_I should thank Chakotay for offering me this chance. I have a feeling it's not something he'd do on a whim. B'Elanna I understand, she's one of his closest friends, but I am almost a stranger to him. A former enemy, too._

_I wonder what B'Elanna's animal guide looked like, though..._

She smiled. "The only person who killed her animal guide", indeed. That was B'Elanna for you.

The familiar chime of her door buzzer interrupted her train of thoughts.

"Come in."

The door opened to admit Chakotay carrying a tray laden with food. "Compliments of Mr. Neelix, Captain." He said as he slid the tray onto her table.

She raised her brows. "Are you by any chance auditioning for a position as my personal steward, Commander?"

He grinned. "There was a time when Starfleet captains used to have their personal yeomen. Nowadays, they have to content themselves with their first officers."

She couldn't help but laugh at that. "We've come a long way since Captain Kirk and his _Enterprise_, haven't we? The thought of a male officer or crewmember serving a woman, be she of higher rank or not, would not have occurred to people back then. Sit. The least I can do if you bring me dinner is offer to share it with you."

"And here I was hoping you wouldn't say that," he joked. "Since this is Neelix' cooking and it looks very... interesting."

She lifted the lid of one of the pots and examined its contents. "Looks like some sort of stew to me. Don't tell me the fearsome rebel leader I was sent to find and bring to justice is afraid of a pot of stew?"

"It's blue," he pointed out. "Besides, you did better than find me. It seems to me that you've managed to bring the lost sheep back into the fold."

She looked up, startled by this comment. "Were you lost, Chakotay?"

"In a way, we all were, and still are."

"Well, I'm afraid, I haven't brought you home yet. Neither you, nor the rest of us."

"What will happen when we get home?" He asked, and for the first time, she detected a hint of insecurity in his expression. It was understandable. She wouldn't have liked to be in his place, either.

She sighed. "Truthfully? I don't know, Chakotay. Let's take our chances with the stew now, shall we? We are supposed to be explorers after all, aren't we?" She handed him a bowl of stew and a spoon, then took her own.

"Wait," he said, holding up a hand as she lifted the first spoonful towards her lips. "Let me go first. I wouldn't know how to explain that I let the Captain poison herself."

She shook her head chuckling. "See, I was right, you make a very dutiful first officer."

"I'm counting on you to revive me, Captain." He lifted the spoon to his mouth, closed his eyes, swallowed quickly.

"Well?" She asked after a moment.

"I think it's safe, Captain. Not overly enjoyable, but no threat to your health, either."

"I'll let Mr. Neelix know how much you appreciate his cooking."

"Please don't."

* * *

Episode: The Cloud


End file.
